This Would Happen During Finals

I should be studying and preparing for my finals…my real finals, as in the finals before I graduate. This time next week I will have an English degree. Go me! That means no more editing friends’ resumes and term papers for free. Hell, I’m past that now anyways. Just because I can look over something and edit it quickly doesn’t mean it doesn’t take a lot out of me. I am feeling a sense of freedom. Lance and I have been looking at apartments and frankly I feel liberated.  I have realized that I allow myself to get depressed too much. It feels like for the longest time a dark cloud has been hovering over me. I hope that upon my graduation I will feel  better. I will have to work a lot more but I won’t have to study so when I am off work I’ll have time to think and write, two of my favorite things to do. I want to make a CD full of songs that just make me happy so I can get out of this long-term funk. I feel like I need to flip off someone  but I don’t know who…Does that make sense? I feel like Alicia Silverstone in that Aerosmith video when she flips off her ex and bungee jumps off the bridge.  Anyways, in all seriousness the past two days have been great. Not only has the weather been fantastic, but I’ve been feeling a lot better about myself. I just want to rid myself of some demons that have been plaguing me for a long time. I am glad that Lance and I won’t be moving to Florida just yet because I haven’t been listening to the transcendentalist in me. I have been seeing Florida as the answer to my unhappiness. I have been thinking that I’ll be happy as long as I can just get to Orlando. That’s not the answer though. Sure I still want to go to graduate school there but I want to fix me first. I want to let myself be happy. I actually stop myself from being happy a lot of the time. I know that doesn’t make sense. I will dwell on bad things in my life and things I am unhappy about and when I start to be happy I remind myself of the things that make me unhappy.Lance and I saw a great apartment today and I am looking forward to us getting married and moving in together. BTW I watched a great film today called Gardens of the Night–watch it!

Well I really need to get started on my final stuff now.