I Believe “ugh” is the Word For it

I just spent about an hour breaking down in front of my fiance. I am tired of people being so hateful, I love it how whenever I try to tell people how I feel they blow it out of proportion. I’m talking about females of course, believe it or not girls, males are excellent at open communication. It’s just hard to get to that open communication when you get pouty because what he said wasn’t all kittens and rainbows. I’m tired of telling someone that something they did hurt my feelings only for them to get pissed off for me pointing out a less-than-perfect action. If you didn’t want to be my friend anymore, fine, but did you have to poison someone else’s mind and create super kiddie high school drama? You know, I don’t even want to call it high school drama because I didn’t treat people like that when I was teen. I’ve NEVER treated people like that actually. My poor fiance just collected my tears over my frustration of not having any friends. I feel like a complete outsider, a loaner. Today at work I got picked on for having pet rats again. Woohoo as if no one has ever thought I was weird for that. People don’t realize how hurtful that is, I love animals, particularly rats and I’m sorry but my rats mean a lot to me. They are a big part of my life and I find it difficult to be friends or even acquaintances with someone that can’t handle that. I’m not asking you to pick up one of them and kiss them on the head, you don’t even have to touch them but PLEASE do NOT laugh at me for talking about them. It’s inconsiderate and hurtful. I don’t make fun of people for having a pet dog. Why is it any more of a joke to take a sick rat to the vet than a sick dog? I’m sorry but I don’t believe that any animals life is more important than another’s. Neither do I believe that it is more important for an infant to be saved than an old woman. I don’t weigh lives in that aspect, if God believes it is time for my little rat or a little infant to die, then it is time and that should not be questioned.

I’m utterly SICK of being mistreated, I am tired of the catty girl games of “let’s talk about our plans of hanging out in front of Lauren, she’ll be so jealous.” Actually I’m not jealous, because while you are skipping classes to have a gay ole time I am IN classes making good grades so you just remember that when I get a job over you. This is senior year of college, not high school, you aren’t cool if you skip.

I can not tell you,and when I mean you I mean anyone reading so yes YOU directly, what I would give to have just one true friend. I am so thankful and grateful to have the most amazing and caring fiance God could bless me with and I don’t want to sound greedy, but I wish so badly for just one person that I could connect to. Matt, I don’t mean to exclude you, you know you have always been there for me and you mean the world to me.  I value your friendship very much, but unfortunately we can’t exactly go see a movie on the weekends…but maybe one day

Everyone is so sketchy here…they are all insecure, did I ever mention that I get made fun of for my extensive vocabulary? One time someone made fun of me for using a word he thought was complex. I don’t understand why I got made fun of for that and he said “no one” uses that word. So just because I am the only person he knows that uses it I should stop? I think not. So I have a broad vocabulary and I can apply these words in daily life. That is a sign of intelligence and if you would like to know the definition of a word I use I will gladly tell you without thinking you are stupid or inferior. I realize not everyone is as obsessed with language as I am.

I also get made fun of for being a writer. I believe that is my gift from God. My one true talent that God wants me to use to benefit the world. Believe me, I can’t make up this stuff on my own, I am a firm believer that God plants these ideas into my head. Sometimes I’ll be doing the simplest thing then BAM novel idea. Am I supposed to just ignore these wonderful ideas that make me happy? Am I supposed to keep them locked away in my mind so no one else can enjoy them? I can’t do that. I have to write or I will not exist, yet I get made fun of for that too. People always laugh whenever I say I write gothic and horror fiction, especially when I mention the vampire novel I’ve written. It’s such a big part of me,scratch that, it IS me. A Lauren without writing is like an ocean without water, completely pointless. I also get made fun of for being smart in general. Like when people throw the “Aren’t rats nasty?” thing in my face I always remind them that it was the FLEAS on the rats that launched the plague, then of course I get made fun of for being smart and knowing that.

It reminds me of a brilliant kid I tutored in high school. He knew everything about WWII and the nazi army. He was so smart, came from a broken home and to get his parents attention misbehaved in school. Anytime I tutored him the teacher always lectured him on how to behave and told me to bring him back if he was bad. Truth is, I never tutored him, the kid just needed someone to talk to. He got made fun of all the time and people called him a nazi and claimed he was Hitler,etc. just because he had an interest in WWII. It was disgusting that such an amazing kid had such an awful time at school and at home. He got in trouble one day and had to go to alternative school. I missed him so much, its such a pity. He could be anything, I can only imagine how fantastic his lectures would be if he was a history teacher teaching about the nazi army.

Why don’t people see the problems here? Why don’t people realize how badly they hurt others and how hard it is just to be accepted? No one wants to be hurt, but everybody hurts someone. It’s not fair.